BRUISER’S BET

The floods came down on Noosa, rushing to the South

There were house-boats up on North Shore and through the river’s mouth

Washed out past Laguna Bay – oh cruellest of fate

We saw one bobbing six miles out, directly off Hells Gate.

There were stumps and logs and trees, the river was a state

Bruiser’s neighbour launched his boat straight out through his gate

Every fish and crab, and whatever else might be

Flooded right past Bruiser’s house and out into the sea.

It was ‘round about this time that Bruiser made his bet

A somewhat rash manoeuvre and one he would regret

He opened up his mouth and bravely did he speak

“I’m going out to win; Best Fish of the Week!”

“Oh goodness me” says Carol, “you hero fishy slayer”

“If you lose you have to buy me a nice new CD player”

“Shit!” young Bruiser thinks, “there’s one for the books!”

And heads out to the shed to sharpen up his hooks.

Thus forth did Bruiser sally though his hopes were somewhat dim

For Davo’s Best Fish of the Week was nominated “Bream”

‘Twas better they’d said “catfish, redfin or rainbow trout”

For every salty fish had fairly been washed out.

So Bruiser started fishing, feeling somewhat cruddy

In waters foul and rushing and very, very, muddy

He put flashlights on his hooks to help fish find the bait

And every night he came home drenched, very, very, late.

On the final night, out he went, and his luck had changed at last

The bream were really biting he pulled them in real fast

Legal length is 23, there were heaps of 22’s

And 21’s and 20’s, it’d make you hit the booze.

And then at last he felt it, a really massive bite

A mozzy or a sandfly? – what a mighty fight

Was it luck or cunning or was it merely fate

Bruiser caught a minnow but it was 28.

Now no-one else had caught a thing, so he had to win the bet

The only little problem was he hadn’t weighed it yet

He skulked on down to Davo’s embarrassed as can be

Upon the trophy board an awful sight to see.

A trick we’d worked that morning, and there upon the board

Was “Phantom – Kilo’s 1.3” – a mightly fish he’d scored

Bruiser nearly fainted, and then he thanked the Lord

When Richard went and told him that Phantom pulled a fraud.

Congratulations Bruiser – you win Best Fish of the Week

I’ll try to get this poem published at Falls Creek

To tell all your admirers that you haven’t withered yet

And the lengths that you will go to when you have to win a bet!

Phantom